Parents/Carers

Being a parent or carer can be tough work! Especially when the young people you are responsible for need some advice.

Connexions can help you plan how best to support young people in managing the complex decisions facing them.  We offer a range of information, advice and guidance to young people and you are welcome to attend our centres or meet the Connexions Personal Advisers when your child visits us.

Here are some top tips on parenting:

  • Be tough-minded but tender hearted – don’t protect your children from the consequences of their actions.  They need to learn from their experiences.
  • Children are more at risk if they have not been able to talk to us about sex.  So be prepared to talk about sexuality and its purpose, even if it seems difficult.
  • Children need boundaries, so be consistent, they prefer to know where they stand.
  • Children need examples more than they need critics…. Understanding and encouragement make them thrive.
  • Conflict is normal Choose your battles – let some go! Aim to resolve the situation not to win it.
  • Do your best to encourage good friendships and good interests – otherwise they’ll get bored and just go with the crowd. Self-esteem is your child’s best protection from peer pressure.  Talk about valuing and respecting friendships, as well as valuing and respecting themselves.
  • Don’t be afraid to apologise if you have acted unfairly.  Children learn to say sorry by your example. 
  • Don’t forget you’re in charge! That means you have the right to say what goes on in your home.
  • Expect them to tell you where they are and who they’re with.  Return the compliment let them know where you’re going as well.
  • Get to know each other.  Tell your children about life when you were young.  Talk with them about their grandparents.  Tell them what you’ve learnt about life.  What you’re proud of – as well as the things you’d like to have done differently.
  • Give them a hug and tell them they’re great!
  • Give them information about the unreliability of contraceptives.  Help them to see that sexual intercourse is not compulsory!  Tell them they can always talk to you… no matter what!
  • Hold fast! Deep down teenagers know they need guidance and leadership… so give it to them.
  • However hard they push you away, don’t stop parenting your teen even if they only grunt back, don’t give up trying to talk!
  • If children feel you really care about them, they’ll find it easier to stick by your rules. 
  • If you let your children roam the streets after dark they may walk straight into trouble.
  • It’s ok to make mistakes! Don’t protect them from the consequences of their actions.  That’s how they learn.
  • Listen carefully to your teenager’s point of view.  Help them think through choices. Be available to talk things over with your teenager.
  • Reassure your teen that their physical development is right for them.  Give them the practical information they need about physical changes e.g. talking to girls about how to cope with periods.
  • Say no! to your children and mean it!  Don’t be afraid to be firm with them. 
  • Talk about your ideas and values.  We all need meaning and purpose for our lives.  Without it we drift!
  • Teach your children right from wrong – and that two wrongs don’t make a right!
  • Teenagers have to learn to make their own decisions and establish their independence from parents.  Unfortunately their decisions won’t always agree with yours! That’s why tension is normal! Try to given them confidence in their own ability to solve problems.
  • The teen years can be a challenge for parents as well as teenagers! Being a good parent at this stage is all about sticking with it, through good times and bad.  Hang in there! Don’t give up!
  • Try not to take their anger personally.  This may help you stay calm!

Don’t expect to be a perfect parent – just do your best!